100 Reasons*adult*

[dammit]

....... men are glad to be MEN

1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3. You know stuff about tanks.
4. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
5. Monday Nite Football.
6. You don't have to monitor your friend's sex lives.
7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
8. You can open all your own jars.
9. Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained
weight.
10. Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.
11. When clicking through the channels, you don't have to
stall on every shot of someone crying.
12. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
13. All your orgasms are real.
14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite
sex.
15. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
16. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around
everywhere you go.
17. You understand why "Stripes" is funny.
18. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
19. Your last name stays put.
20. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
21. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic
that everyone secretly hates you.
22. You can kill your own food.
23. The garage is all yours.
24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of
thoughtfulness.
25. You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
26. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
27. You never have to clean the toilet.
28. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or
she can still be your friend.
32. Your underwear costs $10 for a three-pack.
33. The National College Cheerleading Championship
34. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
35. You don't have to shave below your neck.
36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every
nite.
37. If you're 34 and single nobody notices.
38. You can write your name in the snow.
39. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
40. Everything on your face stays its original color.
41. Chocolate is just another snack.
42. You can be president.
43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger
seat.
44. Flowers fix everything.
45. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
48. Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
50. You can say anything and not worry about what people
think.
51. Foreplay is optional.
52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk
into the room.
54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
55. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter
reader is coming by.
56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting
laid.
57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
58. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new
haircut.
59. You can watch a game in silence with your buddy for
hours without even thinking "He must be mad at me"
60. The world is your urinal.
61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your
lover is about to leave you.
62. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
64. One mood, all the time.
65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself
to look like him.
66. You never have to drive to another gas station because
this one's just to skeevy.
67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you
are wearing.
69. Same work....more pay.
70. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
71. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency
crotch adjustment.
72. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
73. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind
your back.
74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the
earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
75. You don't mooch off others' desserts.
76. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
77. The remote is your's and your's alone.
78. People never glance at your chest when you're talking
to them.
79. ESPN's sports center.
80. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a
little gift.
81. Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.
82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your
mother.
83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining
you naked.
84. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the
bathroom.
85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he
won't tell your friends you've changed.
86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase
"F*#k it!"
88. If an other guy shows up at the party in the same
outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
89. Princess Di's death was almost just another obituary.
90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically
expected.
91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because
you're not in the mood.
92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
93. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it
with a hammer and throw it across the room.
94. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
95. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
96. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and
anniversaries.
97. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex
with them.
98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...
notice anything different?"
99. Baywatch
100. There is always a game on somewhere.

[Mr Bean]

How true is number 52

[mack_1964]

93!!!!

[Snurfen]

28.:cool:

[dammit]

97 works... :D

[renegade600]

93 works for everything, even biologicals.

[mack_1964]

93 works for everything, even biologicals.
uh-oh
;)

[sho-dan]

35 that works,38 in CAPITALS :D

[Snurfen]

35 that works,38 in CAPITALS :D
Now there's a point, we could start a thread of who can do it in lower case :D

[buffythemouse]

WHY GUITARS ARE BETTER THAN MEN
Guitars don't work late.
Your Guitar stays as clean as you want it to.
Guitars don't have parents or kids.
Guitars don't get sick.
Guitars don't get overweight, unless you like the Jumbo style.
If you say bad things to your Guitar, you don't have to apologize before you play it again.
Your Guitar always has time for you.
Guitars don't watch TV.
Guitars never need a shave, nor do they have hair on their backs.
Guitars don't snore.
Guitars don't leave a mess in the kitchen or bathroom.
If you don't like the length of your Guitar's appendage you can get a new one.
You can try out as many Guitars as you like before you get your own.
You don't have to feed your Guitar.
Guitars never argue, you are always right.
Guitars never wake you up in the middle of the night, for any reason.
Guitars never try to show you off to their friends.
Guitars don't come home drunk after a night out with the other Guitars.
Guitars don't sneak around with other Guitars.
Guitars don't care what you look like or what your age is.
Guitars don't care and don't comment about what you spend your money on.
Guitars don't care if you have to work late.
When you're playing, your Guitar doesn't care if other Guitars are bigger or better.
Guitars don't care about their performance.
Guitars don't get you pregnant.
Guitars don't have mothers.
When you've finished playing, you can put it away.
You don't have to praise a Guitar after playing it.
Guitars don't sulk.
Guitars don't bore you.
Guitars don't abandon you at gatherings for more interesting players.
Guitars don't have to prove anything.
Guitars don't try to change you once you've bought them.
Guitars don't get jealous of your male colleagues.
Guitars never interrogate you.
Second-hand Guitars don't brag about previous owners.
Second-hand Guitars don't go to see previous owners when you're out of town.
Guitars never put you down, yet you can put them down whenever you wish.
Guitars don't complain if you wear "sensible" clothes.
Guitars don't have egos.
Guitars don't need remote control units.
When you're lost you don't have to argue with your Guitar about stopping to ask the band for directions.
When your Guitar is being played too slow, you can speed up.
When you need someone to play with, your Guitar is happy to accommodate.
You buy the tools your Guitar needs; it doesn't buy tools that never get used.
You don't have to continually assure your Guitar that its string length is just right.
You determine the length and frequency of playing, and you're always in control.
Your Guitar doesn't complain about your going out to dinner with your women friends rather than staying at home with it.
You never get helpful suggestions from your Guitar's mother.

Your Guitar never complains if you put on a few pounds.
When your Guitar is dysfunctional you know how to get it fixed (and know that it can be fixed).
Your Guitar will never earn more than you do for the same job just because it's a Guitar.
Your Guitar never spends a "night out with the Guitars" and comes home with a strange rash on its fretboard.
and last, but not least:

Your Guitar will never turn into a fat bellied blob of wood and metal on the couch in front of the TV.
hee hee hee

[buffythemouse]

Why Cats Are Better Than Men


A cat always hits the litter box.
You have a better chance of training a cat.

You never have to spend time with
your cat's mother.

If you ask enough times, a cat may
actually LISTEN to you.

You can de-claw a cat... try to get
a guy to clip his toenails.

It's okay if a cat rubs up against your best friend.

A cat knows you're the key to his happiness... a man thinks HE is.

and then


Reasons why Beer is better than men

Beer makes you feel better when you have your period.
Beer stains don't smell funny the next day.
Beer goes where you want it to.
Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car while you try on shoes at the mall.
Your beer never suffers performance anxiety.
When your beer won't get a head up, you can toss it out.
Beer doesn't stand there tapping it wristwatch.
No woman ever got stood up by a beer.
A beer doesn't start a fistfight with an ale.
Puking will rid you of that queasy feeling you get when you made the wrong choice.
Beer doesn't get drunk and call you at 3am to beg.
You don't need a restraining order with bad beer.
I never met a beer with a criminal record.
Beer labels come off when you want them to.
When you go to a bar, you can pick up a beer without worrying about that tan line on his ring finger.
You can pick up a beer in a bar right in front of your mum and she won't mind.
Beer never has a bad temper.
A beer won't throw you into the back seat of a 76' Datsun and dry hump you under a mercury vapor lamp.
A beer won't toss you in the passenger seat of a Mazda RX7 and show you it can go 100MPH on a flat stretch.
A beer doesn't bring strange people home with it.
Its easy to give beer good head with minimal shaking up.
You don't have to worry about a gag reflex with beer.
You can have more than one beer in a night without feeling sore.
You can talk to your girlfriends about your beer without it getting pi**ed off.
You have a good idea where that beer has been before you got it.
No one ever had to sleep in a beer spot.
Beer doesn't dis' you because you are a babe.
A beer won't shove its hand up your dress at your party.
You don't have to fake it for a beer.
Beer has no ego.
A cold beer is a good beer.
Beer tastes good.
Beer doesn't leave you. It snuggles around your hips for a lifetime.
A beer doesn't hate your cat.
You can get six at once without taxing yourself.
A beer doesn't mind if you don't finish.
A beer won't leave the lid up.

and

Reasons why a horse is better than a man

10. If your horse starts to stray, you can just throw a rope around his neck.
9. You can see to it that your horse is well groomed.
8. Once you break a horse, he'll always be obedient.
7. A horse can understand why you'd want to buy your shoes in sets of four.
6. Horses are into "stable" relationships.
5. You can have horses gelded and they hardly seem to notice.
4. A horse would rather munch his wild oats than sow them.
3. You can lead a horse to water, but a man will insist on driving and get you hopelessly lost.
2. Any man would have to admit that, next to a horse, he feels somehow ... inadequate.
1. There are plenty of good horses to go around!

and the last word
Why Dogs Are Better Than Men

(dont think this has been pasted b4 if it has sorry... lol too good to leave out)


* ... Dogs don't have trouble expressing affection in public.

* ... Dogs miss you when you're gone.

* ... You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you.

* .. Dogs don't brag about whom they've slept with.

* ... Dogs don't criticize your friends.

* ... Dogs admit it when they're jealous.

* ... Dogs don't play games with you - except fetch - and they never laugh at the way you throw the ball.

* ... Dogs are happy with any video that you rent. They always remember that the most important thing is that you are together.

* ... Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.

* ... You can take a dog to a groomer.

* ... Dogs are already in touch with their inner feelings.

* ... You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.

* ... Gorgeous dogs don't know they are gorgeous.

* ... Dogs understand what"No" means.

* ... Dogs don't need therapy.

* ... Dogs understand if some of their friends can't come inside.

* ... Dogs think you are a culinary genius.

* ... You can housetrain a dog.

* ... You can force a dog to take a bath.

* ... Dogs don't correct your stories.

* ... Middle aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.

* ... Dogs admit it when they are lost.

* ... Dogs don't criticize your driving.

* ... Dogs don't weigh down your purse with their stuff.

* ... Dogs are nice to your relatives.

* ... Dogs mean it when they kiss you.

* ... Dogs can entertain themselves for longer than two minutes.

* ... Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.

* ... Dogs don't care whether you shave your legs.

* ... Dogs don't complain if the sink is full of dirty dishes.

* ... YOU CAN TRAIN A DOG!

[musicobsessed]

Reasons why a horse is better than a man

10. If your horse starts to stray, you can just throw a rope around his neck.
9. You can see to it that your horse is well groomed.
8. Once you break a horse, he'll always be obedient.
7. A horse can understand why you'd want to buy your shoes in sets of four.
6. Horses are into "stable" relationships.
5. You can have horses gelded and they hardly seem to notice.
4. A horse would rather munch his wild oats than sow them.
3. You can lead a horse to water, but a man will insist on driving and get you hopelessly lost.
2. Any man would have to admit that, next to a horse, he feels somehow ... inadequate.
1. There are plenty of good horses to go around!

ppft you try training a horse. And that whole "once you break a horse he'll always be obiediant", ha. that's funny.