top ten ways to tell if you have pms ladies

[IamOne]

TOP TEN WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE PMS...
10. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

9. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet

8. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

7. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.

6. You're using your cell phone to dial up bumper stickers that says, "How's my driving? Call 1-800-EAT-S**T."

5. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.

4. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.

3. You're counting down the days until menopause.

2. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

1. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?

ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb.
They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT.
They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT.
And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the lightbulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS.
But if they did, by some miracle, find and change the lightbulbs,
TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID lightbulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!!!!
AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THAT THE STUPID $#@!*^&% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN.
WHY??? BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!!
IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE.
THE HOUSE!! THE HOUSE!!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS............................

[IamOne]

The Rules


The female always makes the rules.

The rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
No male can possibly know all the rules.
If the female suspects the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some or all the rules.
The female is never wrong.
If the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male did or said wrong.
If Rule 6 applies, the male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
The female can change her mind at any given point in time for any reason.
The male must never change his mind without express written consent from the female.
The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
The female must not, under any circumstances, let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
Any attempt by the male to document these rules could result in severe bodily harm. If the female has PMS, all rules are null and void