Rugby FAQ for Wimmin

[squiffy2]

Hello and welcome to the Six Nations Rugby FAQ for girlfriends and wives.

Please note that this FAQ is not intended for women who actually play
and understand rugby. Such admirable and formidable women are capable
of talking tactics and the like, and are also welcome to call over and
help herself do the washing up at half time. There are also clothes to be ironed.

Frequently Asked Questions

My man said the match doesn't kick off until 2:30. Why is he leaving
for the pub now when it's only 12 midday?

He has to get a seat for the "build up", which starts roughly two hours
before kick off. The build up involves former players embarrassing
themselves with a series of hilarious gaffes, wooden comment and bland
observations. He finds this interesting. Also if he leaves early he'll
get a good meal into his belly. And finally there won't be any legs in
the way of the hoover - a nice bonus there for you.

My husband is watching the game at home. He said the match wouldn't
kick off until 2:30. It's now 1pm and he's watching a chat show of some
sort?

Again, you are experiencing the build-up first hand. This is the
pre-match discussion", which is rather like a rugby tupperware party.
If you look closely you will see former players you may actually
recognise because they were once good looking men, but now require a
piece of the table to be cut away at dinner time to accommodate them.

Also, he seems to be watching rugby from last year!

This is an essential part of the build-up. Imagine it as rugby's answer
to "Previously on Desperate Housewives..." You've seen it all before,
but it bears repeated viewing.

My boyfriend is at the game and I am trying to get in contact with him.
I've called a number of times and am worried about him. I'm getting
read receipts but he won't return my texts! I'm worried about him! I've
called his friends who are with him and they are not answering either!

The mobile phone coverage at games is poor due to the mobile masts being
overloaded. This is complicated - like electricity and cars and things
and will only confuse you. I'm sure he is trying to call you back but
there is no coverage. Don't panic, I'm sure he or the emergency
services will call immediately once the game concludes.

My husband has returned from the game and now wants to watch the
tape of the game he has just been at! Why could he possibly want to do this?

Have you ever watched your wedding video? But you were there. Why are
you watching it again?

How long is the rugby going on for? My boyfriend seems to be watching
another game now!

The rugby will be on all day, with one match after another. The media
corporations now dictate the schedule and there is nothing the lowly
rugby fan can do about this. Most have petitioned to change this, but to
no avail. It's a hot topic in rugby right now and we're hopeful the
situation will be resolved soon. There might be highlights on later as
well. Plus the sports news reports.

My husband is going to a game abroad and I was thinking that I might go
too and we might go to the local Ikea (I looked it up and it's just
around the corner) the morning of the game to get a few things?

That's a great idea, but unfortunately Ikea always closes the weekend of
a rugby international, no matter what the country. It's because
eccentric Ikea founder Ingvar Kamprad despises rugby for some reason -
this is another issue all rugby fans are keen to see resolved.

Who are the team wearing blue?

That is either Italy or France. You are noticing them because they are
tanned and continental, unlike their pasty-legged opponents who are the
team your partner is supporting. Do not undermine his confidence by
praising the opposition in any way. The person you are looking at most
is probably Frederic Michalak (who is so disappointingly short, trust
me).

Why did that happen / why did he do that / what is the referee saying /
how are they able to do that / what score is it now / who is he / did
my mother call earlier / when do you want to book that holiday?

Sssshh!

[Mr Bean]

Originally Posted by squiffy2

My husband is watching the game at home. He said the match wouldn't
kick off until 2:30. It's now 1pm and he's watching a chat show of some
sort?

Again, you are experiencing the build-up first hand. This is the
pre-match discussion", which is rather like a rugby tupperware party.
If you look closely you will see former players you may actually
recognise because they were once good looking men, but now require a
piece of the table to be cut away at dinner time to accommodate them.

Truer than a really true thing

[Snurfen]

Who's the handsome fellow on the right? Looks like he could sink a few pints and rescue a kitten from up a tree (for Julie)

[Mr Bean]

Originally Posted by Snurfen

Who's the handsome fellow on the right? Looks like he could sink a few pints and rescue a kitten from up a tree (for pi rules)

Eh???

[dammit]

Who's the handsome fellow on the right?

I'ts Les Battersby isn't it?

[Mr Bean]

Originally Posted by dammit

I'ts Les Battersby isn't it?

By 'eck I think it is

[Mr Bean]

Originally Posted by dammit

I'ts Les Battersby isn't it?

Come to think of it he's more like Les Battyboy

[Snurfen]

Des Bhaterji ? Runs the Ashok Tandoori in town, you silver maned fox, you.

[PurestLight]

Who's the handsome fellow on the right? Looks like he could sink a few pints and rescue a kitten from up a tree (for Julie)

Nice cheekbones

You both look scarily familiar lol

[Snurfen]

Police five, January 4th.

[Mr Bean]

Originally Posted by Snurfen

Police five, January 4th.

Something significant about that date that I can't quite put my finger on???

[Mr Bean]

Originally Posted by PurestLight

Nice cheekbones

That's not his cheekbones Julie.

He's go 1/2 my Ogi stuffed in his mush. And it cost me £3.50.

The current Mrs Bean went up the wall!!!

[PurestLight]

He's go 1/2 my Ogi stuffed in his mush.

What is an Ogi lol.......is it a Welsh Hot dog or something???

[Mr Bean]

Originally Posted by PurestLight

What is an Ogi lol.......is it a Welsh Hot dog or something???

The Original Welsh Oggie Company

The Welsh Oggie is a giant-sized pasty stuffed with Welsh beef, leeks, onions, potatoes and gravy. While an average Cornish pasty weighs in at about 255g, the Oggie is almost double that at a whopping 540g. They can be bought hot to eat on the day or in boxes to take home and freeze.

Piccie

They are a delicacy in certain parts of Cwmstickydingle

[PurestLight]

Cwmstickydingle!!!

I like the sound of the big pasty though