Walks into a bar...

**rockboy** · #1 August 4th, 2007, 10:50 AM

A duck walks into a Pub and asks for a pint. The surprised landlord exclaims, "My God a talking duck!"

The duck replies, "Yeah, I'm working on the building site across the road. I'll be in every lunchtime for two weeks for a pint."

"Fine" says the Landlord, and says no more about it.

The next day the circus comes to town, and the ringmaster drops into the pub for a pint. The landlord says, "I've got just the thing for you mate! There's a talking duck that comes in here for a pint every lunchtime. If you like, when I see him I'll tell him that you are interested in him."

"Oh definitely", says the ringmaster. "Tell him to get in touch as soon as possible!"

Without fail the duck pops in that lunchtime for his pint. The landlord tells the duck about the ringmaster's interest in him.

The duck asks, "A circus? That's a tent isn't it?"

"Yes" replies the Landlord.

"It's made of canvas isn't it, with big red stripes?" inquires the duck.

"Yes, that's right, you've got it!", answers the landlord excitedly.

"But", says the duck, "what the hell do they want with a plasterer?"

**Snurfen** · #2 August 4th, 2007, 01:48 PM

barooomp tish!

oracle128 · #3 August 4th, 2007, 03:32 PM

A midget, a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar.

The bartender asks "what is this, a joke?"

**Snurfen** · #4 August 4th, 2007, 05:29 PM

A white horse walks into a bar and starts talking to the barman

The stunned barman says "we've actually got a whisky named after you"

"Great" says the horse,"I'll have a double Dobbin and coke please".

**rockboy** · #5 August 5th, 2007, 09:49 AM

A gorilla walks into a bar, says to the barman, "Beer!" Nervously the barman serves the beer.

After half a dozen beers, the barman goes to where the gorilla is standing and says, "Don`t see many of your type around."

The gorilla replies, "I'm not suprised, at $5 a bottle."

oracle128 · #6 August 5th, 2007, 10:24 AM

So, a pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out the front of his pants. He scoots over to the bar, sits down, and orders a drink.

The bartender, while serving his drink, gets curious about the steering wheel and asks "So what's with the steering wheel. I mean, that can't be comfortable, can it?"

The pirate, after taking a swig of his drink, replies, "Aye, 'tis driving me nuts.'

**Snurfen** · #7 August 5th, 2007, 09:12 PM

I still love that one, you are the keeper of that joke for international pirate day!

A man walks into a bar.

Ouch, it was a steel bar.

oracle128 · #8 August 6th, 2007, 07:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Snurfen

I still love that one, you are the keeper of that joke for international pirate day!

I would be honored. September 19 here I come!

A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He walks up to the bartender and asks, "Do you serve lawyers here?"

"Of course we do," says the bartender.

"Great. Give me a beer and I'll take a lawyer for my 'gator."

**Snurfen** · #9 August 6th, 2007, 02:38 PM

A 12 year old boy walks into a bar and asks the barmaid "pint of Best and 20 Marlboros please love"

The barmaid is astounded "Do you want to get me into trouble?"

"Maybe later love, but I'm out for a quiet pint with the lads, first".

oracle128 · #10 August 6th, 2007, 03:59 PM

So, this duck walks into a bar. He asks the bartender "Got any grapes?"

The bartenders says "Nope, we're all out of grapes." The duck says "Thanks!" and walks out. The duck walks back in again. "Got any grapes?"

"No, I told you we don't have any grapes!"
"Oh, ok." The duck walks out. The duck walks back in again. "Got any grapes?"

The bartender is losing it at this point. "NO! We don't have any grapes! And if you ask me that again, I'll nail your feet to the floor!"

"Oh, ok", says the duck, and he walks out. The duck walks back in again.

"Got any NAILS?", the duck asks. Confused, the bartender says "No, we don't have any nails."

"Great! Got any grapes?"