mawil
March 24th, 2004, 03:45 AM
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong
life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it.
Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out
eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live
longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by
driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and
vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow
eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a
steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of
delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken.
Beef is also a good source of field grass, a green leafy
vegetable. And a pork chop can give you 100% of your
recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.
Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and
vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the
world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable.
We all know that beer and wine are not animal or mineral, so
that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger
and a beer and enjoy your vegetables.
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio
is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one,
etc.,
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a
regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No
Pain...Good.
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in
vegetable oil. How could getting more vegetables be bad for
you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft
around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.
You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO .... Cocoa beans. another
vegetable!!! "It's the best feel-good food around!"
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may
have had about food and diets. Have a cookie...
life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it.
Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out
eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live
longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by
driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and
vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow
eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a
steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of
delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken.
Beef is also a good source of field grass, a green leafy
vegetable. And a pork chop can give you 100% of your
recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.
Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and
vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the
world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable.
We all know that beer and wine are not animal or mineral, so
that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger
and a beer and enjoy your vegetables.
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio
is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one,
etc.,
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a
regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No
Pain...Good.
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in
vegetable oil. How could getting more vegetables be bad for
you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft
around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.
You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO .... Cocoa beans. another
vegetable!!! "It's the best feel-good food around!"
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may
have had about food and diets. Have a cookie...