Dog/Cat Diaries

[dammit]

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY:
7:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
12:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4:00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 pm - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
7:00 pm - OH BOY! PLAYING BALL! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 pm - OH BOY! SLEEPING ON MASTER'S BED! MY FAVORITE!


EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:

DAY 183 OF MY CAPTIVITY:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry
cereal......... Pricks. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope
of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional
piece of furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.
Today my attempt to kill my captors, by weaving around their feet
while they were walking, almost succeeded; must try this at the top
of the stairs next time.

In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile b******s, I again
induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair.
Note-to-self: I think I'll try crapping under their bed, too. Wonder
how long it'll take them to find it?

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, to make them
aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts.
They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was.
Damn!
Not working according to plan. There was some sort of gathering of
their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event.
However, I could hear the noise and smell the food.

More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power
of "allergies." Must learn what the hell this is and how to use it to
my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and
maybe snitches.

The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He
must obviously be a bloody half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, appears
to have become an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am
certain he reports my every move.
Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is
preserved. But I can wait; it's only a matter of time... the sonofa***ch.

[renegade600]

sounds about right