degsy
July 30th, 2004, 04:20 PM
The Manchester United players are in the dressing room on Saturday, just before the game, and then Roy Keane walks in. "Boss," he says, "there's a problem. I'm not playing unless I get a cortisone injection." "Hey," says Becks. "If he's having a new car, so am I."
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David Beckham goes shopping, and sees something interesting in the kitchen department of a large department store. "What's that?" he asks. "A Thermos flask," replies the assistant. "What does it do?" asks Becks. The assistant tells him it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. Really impressed, Beckham buys one and takes it along to his next training session.
"Here, boys, look at this," Beckham says proudly. "It's a Thermos flask."
The lads are impressed. "What does it do?" they ask. "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold, "says David."And what have you got in it asks Roy Keane. "Two cups of coffee and a Choc ice," replies Beckham.
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David Beckham is celebrating: "57 days, 57 days!" he shouts happily. Posh asks him why he is celebrating. He answers: "Well, I've done this jigsaw in only 57 days." "Is that good?" asks Posh. "You bet," says David. "It says 3 to 5 years on the box."
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Victoria Beckham and her driver were cruising along a country road one evening when a cow ran in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't - the cow was killed. Posh told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what happened. About an hour later, the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and smiling happily. "What happened?" asked Posh. "Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar, and their beautiful daughter made mad passionate love to me."
"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Posh. The driver replied: "I'm Victoria Beckham's driver,
and I just killed the cow."
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David and Victoria Beckham were on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. Posh wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the 'no haggle' attitude of one of the shopkeepers, David shouted, 'Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!' The shopkeeper said, 'By all means, is my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!' Determined, David and Posh turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots Beckham standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward him. He takes aim, kills the creature and, with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the Becks flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, 'Bollocks, this one isn't wearing any either!'
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David Beckham goes shopping, and sees something interesting in the kitchen department of a large department store. "What's that?" he asks. "A Thermos flask," replies the assistant. "What does it do?" asks Becks. The assistant tells him it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. Really impressed, Beckham buys one and takes it along to his next training session.
"Here, boys, look at this," Beckham says proudly. "It's a Thermos flask."
The lads are impressed. "What does it do?" they ask. "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold, "says David."And what have you got in it asks Roy Keane. "Two cups of coffee and a Choc ice," replies Beckham.
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David Beckham is celebrating: "57 days, 57 days!" he shouts happily. Posh asks him why he is celebrating. He answers: "Well, I've done this jigsaw in only 57 days." "Is that good?" asks Posh. "You bet," says David. "It says 3 to 5 years on the box."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Victoria Beckham and her driver were cruising along a country road one evening when a cow ran in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't - the cow was killed. Posh told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what happened. About an hour later, the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and smiling happily. "What happened?" asked Posh. "Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar, and their beautiful daughter made mad passionate love to me."
"My God, what did you tell them?" asked Posh. The driver replied: "I'm Victoria Beckham's driver,
and I just killed the cow."
-------------------------------------------------------------
David and Victoria Beckham were on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. Posh wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the 'no haggle' attitude of one of the shopkeepers, David shouted, 'Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!' The shopkeeper said, 'By all means, is my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!' Determined, David and Posh turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots Beckham standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward him. He takes aim, kills the creature and, with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the Becks flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, 'Bollocks, this one isn't wearing any either!'