misterbadnback
October 7th, 2004, 04:54 PM
MILK BATH
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note
for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the
note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5
gallons so he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to
the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of
milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I need to fill my
bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath." The milkman asked, "Do you
want
it Pasteurized?" The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs, I can splash
it in my eyes."
BMW
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it
died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor." She
asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for! speeding and asks her very nicely if
he could see her license. She re plied in a huff, "I wish you guys would
get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then
today you expect me to show it to you!"
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the
wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing
lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his
bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian
said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first
on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on
the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you! idiot! You'll burn up!" said the
Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at
night!"
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She
rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If
you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
FINAL EXAM
The blonde reported for her university final examination that! consists of
yes/no type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares
at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of inspiration,
takes out her purse, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin, marking
the answer sheet:
Yes, for Heads, and No, for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done,
whereas the rest of the class is still sweating it out.
During the last few minutes she is seen desperately throwing the coin,
muttering and sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.
"I finished the exam in half an hour, but now I'm rechecking my answers."
FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blond friend who had acquired two new dogs, and
asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one
was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HellOOOooo," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note
for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the
note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5
gallons so he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to
the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of
milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I need to fill my
bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath." The milkman asked, "Do you
want
it Pasteurized?" The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs, I can splash
it in my eyes."
BMW
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it
died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor." She
asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for! speeding and asks her very nicely if
he could see her license. She re plied in a huff, "I wish you guys would
get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then
today you expect me to show it to you!"
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the
wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing
lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his
bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian
said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first
on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on
the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you! idiot! You'll burn up!" said the
Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at
night!"
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She
rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If
you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
FINAL EXAM
The blonde reported for her university final examination that! consists of
yes/no type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares
at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of inspiration,
takes out her purse, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin, marking
the answer sheet:
Yes, for Heads, and No, for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done,
whereas the rest of the class is still sweating it out.
During the last few minutes she is seen desperately throwing the coin,
muttering and sweating.
The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.
"I finished the exam in half an hour, but now I'm rechecking my answers."
FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blond friend who had acquired two new dogs, and
asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one
was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HellOOOooo," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs