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Harrie
September 20th, 2000, 06:19 AM
The following quotes were taken from actual medical records as dictated by physicians.

*By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

*Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

*On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.

*The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.

*The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

*Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

*Healthy-appearing decrepit sixty-nine-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

*The patient refused an autopsy.

*The patient has no past history of suicides.

*The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

*Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

*The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant, with only a forty-pound weight gain in the past three days.

*She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

*Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

*The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

*She is numb from her toes down.

*The skin was moist and dry.

*Patient was alert and unresponsive.

*When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room. http://www.cybertechhelp.com/ubb/eek.gif http://www.cybertechhelp.com/ubb/eek.gif


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ironside
September 20th, 2000, 06:28 AM
hey who gave my records out, I want names

lafave
September 20th, 2000, 06:36 AM
too funny harrie carrie.......... http://www.cybertechhelp.com/ubb/biggrin.gif Glad to see you.....

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Kimmygem
September 20th, 2000, 06:42 AM
Oh I love it! I bet that happens often.....considering doctors hand writing and all!

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lufbra
September 20th, 2000, 06:53 AM
Great one Harrie, already sent it to other friends!!
Dave.

Jolly Roger
September 20th, 2000, 07:48 AM
Oh boy... my Mom is a medical transcriptionist.. she's told us what some docs have said before... I just can't remember what!

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Sir muffen*1
September 20th, 2000, 08:50 AM
A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered "So did my arthritis!"

The doctor says to the patient, "Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window". "What will that do" asks the patient. The doctor says "I'm mad at my neighbor!"

A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says "That's what puzzles me!"

A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says "You're crazy" The man says "I want a second opinion!" "Okay, you're ugly too!"

Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office". Doctor: "Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in."

I know a guy who had his doctor say "take some weight off, go to a health club." This man lost 20 pounds in one week! The machine tore his leg off! http://www.cybertechhelp.com/ubb/wink.gif

Harrie
September 20th, 2000, 03:05 PM
Hehe.......that's why I avoid health clubs!! http://www.cybertechhelp.com/ubb/biggrin.gif

lafave
September 20th, 2000, 08:22 PM
okay, funny mr sirness.......i like that..your ugly too.....hahahahaha

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"i'm not a bad person, it's just my attitude"