Paddy

[squiffy2]

Paddy had been drinking all day and most of the night at his local Dublin pub. Mick, the bartender says "You'll not be drinking anymore tonight Paddy."

Paddy replies " Ok Mick, Oil be on my way den." Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face.

Shoite" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off.
He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face. "Shoite, Shoite!" he cries. He looks to the doorway and says to himself that if
he can just get to the door and some fresh air, he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up the door frame.

He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, Feels
better and takes a step out onto the pavement. He falls flat on his face.

"Bejaysus, I'm wrecked" he says. He can see his house just a few doors
downa and crawls to the door, shimmies up the door frame, opens the door then collapses inside.

He takes a look up the stairs and says "No effinchance.". But, he crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door. Again he pulls himself up by the doorframe, takes a step Into the bedroom and falls flat on his face.

I gotta stop drinkin" he says as he drags himself across the floor and
into bed.

The next morning his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of
coffee. "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit much to drink last night?

Paddy says"I did Jess, I did. I was p*ss. How'd you know?

"Mick, the bartender phoned. Yuh left ya wheelchair at the pub."