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Old September 18th, 2018, 02:24 PM
Ned Seagoon Ned Seagoon is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
O/S: Windows 10 Home
Location: Sunshine Coast, Australia
Age: 76
Posts: 3,079
A few one liners.

1. I never knew what true happiness was until I married and by then it was too late

2. Adam & Eve were the first people not to read the Apple terms and conditions

3. I should have been sad when the batteries in my torch died…but I was delighted

4. The man who invented Velcro has died…. RIP

5. It’s true that dogs are loyal, but cats don’t tell the police where you hide the drugs

6. Have you ever tried blindfolded archery? You don’t know what you are missing.

7. Collecting my thoughts…almost got the full set

8. What do you call a false noodle? An Im-Pasta.

9. Without a doubt, my favourite Robin Williams movie is Mrs Fire

10. Tweet others as you would like to be tweeted

11. Don’t use a big word when a singular unloquacious and diminutive linguistic expression will satisfactorily accomplish the contemporary necessity

12. Viagra is now available in a teabag, it doesn’t improve your sexual performance but it stops your biscuits going soft.

13. I love jokes about eyes, in fact the cornea the better

14. Well, to be Frank, I’d have to change my mind

15. I’d like to go to Holland one day, wooden shoe?

16. Why do the French eat snails/ They don’t like fast food

17. To the guy who stole my anti-depressants, I hope you’re happy now

18. Amazon don’t pack my jigsaw very carefully…it arrived in a thousand pieces

19. I’ll tell you what’s wrong with society these days, nobody drinks out of the skulls of their enemies anymore

20. If it weren’t for the venetians it would be curtains for all of us.
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