Naughty Nursery Rhymes! (ADULT! ADULT! ADULT! duh)

[hypnotizeminds]

Note: Be sure to reduce your mentality to that of a 12 year old before reading these, or if you are like me, just read.


Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides,
and every time that Mary walked
the boys could see her thighs.
Mary had another skirt
‘twas split up the front,
but she didn’t wear that one very often.

Simple Simon met a pieman, going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pieman,
"What have you got there?"
Said the pieman unto Simon,
"Pies, you ********."

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings horses and all the kings men
Said, "f*ck him, he’s only an egg."

Mary had a little lamb.
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its ass
and turned its wool to nylon.

Georgie Porgie pudding ‘n pie,
kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play,
he kissed them too, ‘cause he was gay.

Little Miss Muffit sat on a tuffet
eating her curds and whey
along came a spider that sat down beside her
and asked "What's in the bowl, b*tch?"

Hickory, dickory, dock,
This b*tch was sucking my cock
The clock struck two,
I dumped my goo,
And dropped her at the end of the block.

Old mother hubbard,
Went to the cupboard,
To get her old dog a bone.
When she bent over,
Rover took over,
And gave her a bone of his own.

Little boy blue,
What? He needed the money!

There was an old lady who lived in a shoe.
She had so many kids
Her uterus fell out.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
Each with a dollar and a quarter
Jill came down with two-fifty,
The dirty wh*re.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a big fall,
All the king's horses
and all the king's men
said, "Serves you right, you fat f*cker."

---------------

Sorry, I know these are pushin' it, you should read the ones I left out!

[renegade600]

aint anything sacred these days

[zack_rage]

lol sure! hypnotizeminds has a lot of jokes up in sleeves

[misterbadnback]

Mary had a little lamb
she tied it to the heater
and every time it turned a round
it burnt it's little ...

Peter Peter pumpkin eater
had a wife and couldn't keep her
put her in a pumpkin shell
and told her to go to...

Hello everybody did I ever tell you about the time
I went big game hunting in africa
zebra's have stripes even on their...

Cock your guns here come the natives.
-----------------------------------------------------------------

When Mary had a little lamb the doctor's were surprised
but
When old McDonald had a farm they really popped their eyes.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Little boy blew
and
his sister gave hand Jobs
------------------------------------------------------------------
Hickory Dickory Dock
3 mice ran up the clock
the clock struck one
the other two escaped with minor injuries

[Snurfen]

The grand old Duke of York
He had ten thousand men,
No surprise he died of Aids then.